ESSENTIAL ELEMENTS The following are the FIVE most E-ssential elements in the known universe.... 1) The Burkina Faso flag and/or national anthem, Can't Touch This by MC Hammer 2)Penis Envy. There really aren't too many things more important to human survival than Penis Envy, as evidenced by it's #2 slot on this list. (See: This list.) Sure it's technically just an ideal but isn't it ideals that bring people the most false joy in this world? The answer's yes. I'm looking at you Jesus! 3)Pimples. The joy of the pop and splatter is just too great for anyone to live without. Further proving that babies are not real humans. 4)Norm McDonald's routine at The Roast of Bob Saget. I know what you're thinking. Odd... why not just go with Dirty Work, a true mastery of film that has never been duplicated and probably never will? Because, everyone's already memorized the entire script of Dirty Work. Now, his set at a Comedy Central Roast, now that's where it's at. 5)Kryptonite. It may seem silly to you now but wait until Superman gets super upset about something like Hulk did in the World War Hulk storyline and then we'll see who comes crawling to whom begging for a way to escape the clutches of an all-powerful tyrant.

Evaporative Swamp Cooler Contest - "Essential Elements", enter to win a free fan and a chance for a free swamp cooler from Air-n-water.com!

Ha! I finally made it to TEN hits. This is the most useless blog of all time. I don't understand why the ploy of labeling it as the official site dedicated to Burkina Faso hasn't attracted more of a cult following. Surely there are plenty more people who want to know more about the wonders of THE Burkina Faso. I think I need to shut this project down and restart from square one.

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My mom is always all like "Don't be whoring yourself out anymore I'm sick of having to bail you out at 3 in the morning from some seedy Detroit-based-area jailhouse outside of a local rest stop." God, cut the umbilical chord lady! So then I went to the store and wouldn't you know it asking a cop how much he'll give for a BJ can be held against you in a court of law. PLUS, anything you say or do can be held against you thereafter, EVEN if they're off-duty. And even if they accept the blow. It just doesn't seem fair. So then I made a couple of commisary dollars by whoring myself out to some guy named Guy! Have you ever heard of that! How can a guy's name be Guy? That's just crazy. I enjoy pushing fat kids too. Call me!

A little update. For those of you who are currently uncertain as to what Burkina Faso is: Burkina Faso is the small African nation made out of robotronics and corrugated tin. Burkina Faso emits an odd stench of Briere cheese and the sweaty floors of a ferrous cupric factory. Burkina Faso is the most awesome place to freestyle walk. 87% of Burkina Faso's income is an aggregate of subsistence farming of artificial limbs and the exportation of human and feline clones. Burkina Faso was one of the major sites of a race war that spanned fourteen nations of Africa between black people and REALLY black people. Burkina Faso, when translated to English, means the whore of Belgrade tricked our Prime Minister and spiked our water supply with arsenic, but we still believe in the power of Ja. Why? You might ask. Because we are poor. What do you expect?

There are a lot of people telling me about taking pictures of weiners and selling them as pictures of actual male sexual organs. Well, I told these people, listen to me Mom and Dad, this is a very lascivious and slippery road you're attempting to go down and I for one will not be purchasing any of these pictures. Well, that was before I saw one of them. Puerto Rican dongs get me every time you know? Anyway, the point I'm trying to make is that I'm selling schlong photos. You know where I'm at.

I see that nobody has bothered to stay with my site when I left it dormant for the last several months. Well, ingrates, Daddy's back with a full case of Dramamine and you're all in trouble if I find that flail I took from that nice young woman in Bangkok she tried to use to take my money. Beep bop doo doo dop. Consume, consume, consume.

I have recently discovered the exact spot at which evil and fear come together to shit on everyone's face. It's called High School Economics. Is there any worse phrase in the entire world? No. No there isn't. On the other hand, it teaches us a great deal about the complete worthlessness of humanity and the reason why it is no longer important to fight for anything because all of the morals, scruples and principles that have ever existed in the past are completely gone now. And there is literally no hope of them ever returning. So, cracker, give it up.