It's been a few days (?) years (?) minutes (?) I'll be honest. I've been on a little bit of a bender. I've probably fathered a few illegitimate children by accident. I probably owe a few dead people's families some apologies. I'll probably be needing a lawyer pretty soon. I'll probably just skip town, get drunk and forget about it for a few years. The important thing is that I'm back now. And it has come to my attention that if you leave your audience with nothing to keep them entertained for extended periods of time, unexpectedly, over and over again, they start to forget that you were their only source of relief from the neverending doldrums of their monotonous daily routines, trudging through body parts of slain children on their six hour commute to their first of three jobs they've had to hold down and deal with the shit of to support their multiple chemical dependencies, severe substance abuse weekend rehab clinics, and thirteen children born of three or four different partners who refuse to be shackled by the harsh oppression of jobs or monogamy for the past five years. What's more, some of these people have actually gone so far as to completely boycott said webpages and I am just about sick of it. You people act like you've got it so fucking bad. You know what? I had to wake up, just like you, although probably seven or eight hours later and I had to eat my breakfast, although I'm on a liquid diet that consists of Scotch and Scotch only, and I had to have sex with a limp, lifeless partner, although I'm just a necropheliac and a grave robber, so I actually enjoy doing this, so I don't know what you people are complaining about. Get back to the fucking site and donate money to me through some amazing telepathic connection, seeing as how I have still yet to include any real form of address to which you could send any such lump sums of loose money. Blood money and Scotch are more than welcome. Well, there's only one thing to do after a post like that: Get tanked! Saucepan!